she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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