I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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