She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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