so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
