Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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