I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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