It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
