when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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