i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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