Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
