Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
