You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
