I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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