I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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