I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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