too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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