I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
