Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
