Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Found your dick twin last night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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