We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Acid is not a monday night drug
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
