She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ttyl tear gas
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
