im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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