i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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