i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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