and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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