I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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