i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
