i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
