last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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