I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
