it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
