What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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