Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
