Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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