Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
