so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
