I just cut my nipple shaving
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He better not be in your backpack
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
