omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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