the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
