She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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