My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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