I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
