she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
