Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
