Porn is love you can see.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
