I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
