Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
