Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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