I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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