Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
