Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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