So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize