thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize