Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sext me about skeletons
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
