Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
