So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
