I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
