haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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