Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
