Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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