My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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